Worst Birthday Ever
by trueplaya
Summary: It really was the worst birthday ever, without question.


" _Take It Like A Man"_

 _Date and Time: Unknown_

 _Dark Room_

"Consider this a birthday present from me," the perpetrator said in a haughty tone.

"You consider bearing this torture a 'present'? I can't tell if you're mad, or just have a twisted sense of humor," the victim responded, currently tied to a chair. Though the victim was quite strong, even he wouldn't be able to escape from these ropes. The perpetrator did a great job of tying him up. Even if he did undo the ropes, he probably wouldn't be able to make it out since he currently had no clue where he was and the area was pitch black save for a dimly lit candle.

"Why are you doing this?" The victim asked.

But now, there was only one kind of job that the perpetrator was interested in.

"Well said, well said! But let's be honest here- you had this coming, considering all the torture you put the rest of us through."

The victim recognized the perpetrator's masculine voice. His tone was still as calm as it always was, but given the circumstances, he sounded like a madman.

"I've wanted to do this to you for the longest time. But every time I tried to make a move, you found a way out somehow. It was quite frustrating, to say the least- but if it's any comfort to you, I came to admire your creativity after a while. Some of the excuses you came up with were truly spectacular. Hell, I think I'll be using a few of them myself down the road."

The perpetrator undid his robe and tossed it to the ground nonchalantly. He wouldn't be needing it for what he was about to do.

"I know it'll be hard, but try to swallow anyways. The moment you do it successfully, you're free to go," the perpetrator declared, getting his already hard meat out. Not wasting any time, he forcefully opened the victim's mouth and stuck it in.

"Mmmph!" The victim was struggling; he clearly had no experience doing this before, and the circumstances only made it even more difficult for him. Making matters worse, the taste and texture were both awful. Soon after the perpetrator stuck his meat into the victim's mouth, he spit it out and was panting rather loudly. If someone was waiting outside the door, they would be able to hear it.

"Even for a first timer, that's disappointing," the perpetrator said. "No worries, though. I'm not in a rush. Breathe through the nose, not the mouth."

Once again, the perpetrator got his meat out and forced it into the victim's mouth. The victim lasted a little longer this time, but he still spit it out in a manner of seconds.

"Spitters are quitters! Swallow, don't spit- then you'll be done with this shit," the perpetrator said in a sing-song voice, sounding proud of his little rhymes.

The third time around, the victim tried breathing through his nose the way that the perpetrator had suggested. To ensure that he wouldn't spit it out this time, he took hold of the victim's head, grabbing his hair and nose to make sure that he would swallow properly.

The third time was the charm. The victim swallowed.

"Ahhh… beautiful. You swallowed it all, each and every inch- you took it like a man. Now, I feel satisfied. You're free to go now," the perpetrator said as he began to undo the victim's ropes.

 _Outside the Dark Room_

 _Date and Time: Unknown_

Really, it was just another day for the merchant. She was just going about her business, getting her shop ready for the day.

Until it wasn't.

As she was walking back to her store to open it up, she suddenly heard something in a nearby room. Curious, she pressed her ear against it to hear just what it was.

"Consider this a birthday present from me."

"You consider bearing this torture a 'present'? I can't tell if you're mad, or just have a twisted sense of humor. Why are you doing this?"

"Well said, well said! But let's be honest here- you had this coming, considering all the torture you put the rest of us through. I've wanted to do this to you for the longest time. But every time I tried to make a move, you found a way out somehow. It was quite frustrating, to say the least- but if it's any comfort to you, I came to admire your creativity after a while. Some of the excuses you came up with were truly spectacular. Hell, I think I'll be using a few of them myself down the road."

Soon, the merchant's well trained ears heard the sound of clothes hitting the floor, as well as someone else listening in with her. It was the princess.

"Shouldn't we unlock this door?" The princess whispered into the merchant's ear.

"No, it'll give us away," the merchant replied, though she was more than capable of unlocking it. She just didn't want to expose herself too early.

"I know it'll be hard, but try to swallow anyways. The moment you do it successfully, you're free to go."

Right as he was saying that on the other side of the door, another woman came to listen in on the conversation. It was the cavalier.

"What the hell is going on in there?" The cavalier tried to whisper, but it came off a little louder than the merchant and princess would've liked.

"Shh, be quiet," the merchant replied, her pitch noticably lower. Fortunately for them, they still went unnoticed.

Through the door, they could hear one of the men grunting in pain. They could also hear strange noises which they couldn't quite make out, but sounded quite suspicious regardless. It sounded slick and wet. After a few seconds, he started panting quite heavily and audibly to the eavesdroppers.

"Even for a first timer, that's disappointing. No worries, though. I'm not in a rush. Breathe through the nose, not the mouth." Though they couldn't see exactly what was going on inside, it didn't take a genius or elite tactician to figure it out.

Soon after, they heard the same noises, and another female eavesdropper, the pegasus knight, joined them because fuck everything. They went on for slightly longer this time, but it was still remarkably short.

"Spitters are quitters! Swallow, don't spit- then you'll be done with this shit," one of the men on the other side proclaimed in a sing-song voice.

By now, each of the eavesdroppers knew what was going on. The merchant took her right hand under her pants, in between her legs and began rubbing furiously up and down. The princess brought her left hand to her right breast and began delicately fingering it. The pegasus knight used one hand to rub at her breasts and another to address the wetness between her legs, while the cavalier used both of her hands to rub both of her breasts. They made sure to keep their cries down despite the pleasure, both to not expose their positions and to listen in on the job that was taking place behind the door.

What they heard was more of the same grunting, groaning and wet, slimy sounds from before. After a while, one of the men behind the door began speaking again.

"Ahhh… beautiful. You swallowed it all, each and every inch- you took it like a man. Now, I feel satisfied. You're free to go now."

The disappointment on their faces and in the eavesdroppers' body language was evident- how could they stop now, when they were so close?! Sure, the men on the other side had finished, but there were four women waiting outside the door that were left unsatisfied.

Just as they were getting ready to get up, however, there was another passerby who walked by the door. This time, it was a man.

"What the hell is going on out here?" He blurted out suddenly.

"What the hell are YOU doing here, Stahl?" Sully replied as she and the rest of the eavesdroppers readjusted their clothes.

"I should be asking what the hell YOU are doing here, along with Cordelia, Anna and Lissa!" He responded.

Normally (if you could call this situation normal) the four of them would have told him to go away, but the women came to a simple, silent realization among themselves.

They were all hornier than bulls and here was a man who hadn't finished, unlike the two in the other room.

Before Stahl knew it, he was being dragged away by the four frustrated women to the nearest bedroom.

 _Dark Room_

 _Time: Unknown_

"What the hell is going on out here?" A man suddenly blurted from outside.

"Shit, we've been discovered!" the perpetrator whisper-shouted. Realizing that he needed to get himself and the victim out fast, he sped up the pace at which he was undoing the victim's ropes.

"What the hell are YOU doing here, Stahl?" A woman responded, again from outside.

"Fuck, have they been eavesdropping on us the whole time?" The perpetrator whispered as he continued to undo the ropes. Right now, he was really beginning to regret tying them on so tight.

"I should be asking what the hell YOU are doing here, along with Cordelia, Anna and Lissa!" The man responded.

The perpetrator was still untying his ropes. He was almost there, when suddenly…

He heard footsteps. Loud at first, but they gradually grew softer.

"They're going away. Good," the perpetrator said as he finally got done undoing the ropes. "We better get out of here before we're caught."

But before the victim could even get out of his chair…

 _Outside the Dark Room_

As the four women dragged Stahl away, the prince couldn't help but wonder what the commotion was all about. He had overheard their conversation and wanted to see what the source was.

 _Hmmm, they were all close to this door…_

The prince knocked, but there was no response. Being royalty, he had the keys to every room in the castle, so he picked out the right one and…

One man was sitting in a chair. His head was perfectly placed at the crotch of the other man, who was standing.

"Now listen, it's not what it looks like," the victim said, trying to save whatever dignity he had left.

"I did not have sexual relations with that man, Mister-" the perpetrator said before he was cut off.

"Robin! Frederick! What is going on here?!" The prince shouted out in disbelief.

"I guess you deserve an explanation, Chrom," Robin said as he pulled out his meat that he had been feeding Frederick for Chrom to see. When Chrom saw it, he was taken aback.

It was long, hard and thick...

"Is-is that bear meat?" Chrom asked.

Wordlessly, Robin nodded.

 **Author's Note: It's like I wrote a lemon, but lobotomized! Obviously, this was inspired by the support conversations between Male Robin and Frederick, but the torture scene from** _ **Casino Royale**_ **also inspired me to write this one-shot. Even though you all have first hand experience with my legendary procrastination abilities, I am still working on** _ **The Unexplored Path**_ **and** _ **DDLC Review.**_ **Hopefully, I can get the next chapters out sooner rather than later. Anyways, since its that time of the year again, Happy Holidays! And go Chargers (they just pulled a massive comeback against the Steelers and look to make the playoffs, I am so excited right now!)**

 **Regardless of whether you liked this story or not, please leave a review stating your opinion and offering your praise and/or constructive criticism on this little piece. It helps me get better as a writer.**


End file.
